mean girls
My Own Prejudice
When I was in sixth grade I was being raised by a single mom. She was and still is uneducated (and my driving force to oppose that) and only worked retail. You guessed it, I was poor. We were on food stamps and government assistance. We didn’t have money to buy the clothes that everyone else in middle school was wearing. No Nikes, no Get Used, no Elyse, it was hand-me-downs, and used (not the brand name Get Used) clothes. As a sixth grader, I was tormented and made fun of because I didn’t dress like the other children. I also had celiac (I figured out in my 30’s) which made my skin oily and I had acne, and I wore glasses. I was the perfect target for my classmates that had to knock me down to make themselves feel better about themselves. Oh, and I was skinny so they said my mom was starving me. I am still skinny, even when I was pregnant twice, I stayed skinny, something I will always be. I was laughed at, ridiculed, and it affected my education so badly that I dropped out at 17.
I didn’t have the friendships, connections, or belong to the groups of students like the others. I basically hated school and couldn’t wait to get out of there. Through social media, I was able to connect with some of the students that made me feel that way. I have to say, I wish I would have known then what I was dealing with. I have overcome all of that, and my confidence has grown immensely since then. I love running into people from middle school and seeing how they turned out. I am friendly on the outside, but will never forget the way they made me feel.
What would have had to change? I suppose if I was overweight I wouldn’t have been accused of having a mom that starved me? If I had the smooth skin I would be like all of the popular girls? Nah, I am happy the way I am, and often hope that those people’s kids don’t have to go through what I went through.
mean girls
Deirdre Hamilton
Hi Jen,
I know all to well how cruel kids can be. You stated that if you had been overweight then they may not have said you were starved by your mom. You may be right, but mean kids or bullies will always find something to tease another child about. When you said that you were the perfect target for your classmates to knock down to make them feel better about themselves you hit the nail on the head. It is very possible that they were experiencing feeling of internalized oppression where they adopt the dominant culture’s standards of beauty regarding body size and skin color, to name a few, better than their onw group’s standards. If they put the focus on you then it would take the attention off of them.
I am happy that you have been able to overcome and are happy with who you are.
Alvia Underwood
Jenn, I hate that you experienced this growing up! I remember kids in my school who weren’t the popular kids or who didn’t have the most trendy clothes but no one ever made them feel less than. I have to say that elementary through high school felt more like a community. Now this is not to say that it did not occur at all but if and when it did, we stood up to the stupidity and made sure to let the bully know that what they said and did would never be acceptable. I try my best to teach my daughter to have that same attitude and always treat people with respect, regardless of what they have or don’t have, what they look like and anything else that may be different from her. I can only hope that other parents are teaching their children the same thing!
Allison Giles
Jenn,
I felt so sad reading this and hearing your experiences growing up. Kids can be so mean. It’s honestly sad to think about what they were honestly going through as well. I am thankful you were able to get through and have gained the confidence you deserve. Some are not so lucky. As my daughter enters middle school I am trying to provide her with what she will need to be a great friend and successful in school. I hope that she always stands up for what is right and does not care what the “in” crowd does. I tell her to be kind to everyone, especially those that are unable to exhibit kindness. This world desperately needs more kindness. Thanks for sharing your personal experiences and allowing us all to grow from them.
-Allison Giles